Endings
by SilverWolfwood
Summary: Zell's having nightmares, but are they just that or is there a deeper meaning? (not very descriptive huh? sorry...*grin* Honestly, it's not as bad as it sounds...*laughs*) There is slight yaoi and some undertones, so if that's not your thing..
1. Chapter 1

**Endings**  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the FF8 characters, though I do like to play with them! Sorry if they act totally out-of-character, I'm not very good at sticking to what's already there! *blush*  
  
Part 1:  
  
Darkness surrounded him and cut off his air. He couldn't breath and he was scared. The darkness cried from within him, hoping to get out. He knew the pain like all other. It was his greatest end…this is it. He knew it now as he looked out into the darkness that covered the Garden. Out there something was calling him. Yelling and screaming in his head. It gave him no peace. It all began in the night, when the Garden was still and quiet with slumbering minds. Zell Dincht sat with his head against the cool windowpane of his dorm. Outside the lights of the Garden slowly clicked off, consuming the ground below in blackness. With a sigh, Zell turned his head toward the forgotten stack of paper. With one hand he reached out and caressed the cover, his fingers gracing over each letter. Inside of the thin cover sheet lay his lines, his language. It was his time to beam in the spotlight, to be noticed. Yet, he hadn't even dared to lift the book. 

  
Cold air laced itself around his petite frame. Shivering, Zell glanced outside into the courtyard. A flash of movement caught the blonde's eye. Streaks of blue grazed the sky. _Wha???? What is that?_ Zell gazed searchingly. A glint of silver lit the night. _What could that be?_ Dizzying intoxication filled his senses and he shied away from the cold glass. A nervous itch clouded the rational side of his brain and Zell shook his head. Holding up a heavy hand, he shut the shade and closed his room away from the empty world outside. Shaking, he crawled into his bed. The soft mattress caved underneath his weight as he leaned over to pull the warm quilt across his numbing body. As soon as his head hit the pillow, sleep claimed his soul and he collapsed into unconsciousness. 

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Zell's hand caressed the smooth wood and his fingers flew over the tight strings. A sweet chord filled his head. The guitar sat snug in his jean-covered lap, his very own soul keeping it secure in his possession. It had become an extension of himself, something that was singing what was on his mind. Around him the room filled with smoke that rose toward the spotlight hanging over the stage. People moved and swayed in a hypnotic fashion, as his fingers strummed melodic chords. Zell let himself get lost in the sensations, his eyes closing. The heat of the venue flowed over his tight petite body; a thin sheen of sweat had taken to his flushed complexion. The soft strumming of the guitar poured into his already over sensitized mind. Zell let his body sway to the beat of the music; a slight rocking motion possessed his body. A trickle of sweat ran down the bridge of his nose and splashed onto the metal guitar strings.

  
Behind him a hand began to stroke the tattooed side of his face. Delicate fingers traced the intricate pattern. Where they touched a cool, numbing feeling moved in. With a sigh, Zell tilted his head toward the cooling touch. The hands stilled his dancing fingertips. With a strong grip they moved the guitar from his hands and placed it on the floor beside his chair. Zell felt the silky steel hands raise him to his feet. Still not wanting to open his eyes, he let himself be lead off the stage to the dance floor below.

  
Music pounded out from the speakers. An eerie cadence exploded into the room. The hands wrapped around Zell's body. People pushed into him from behind and from the sides. Writhing masses contorted around him, sending him falling into the body in front of him. Strong arms caught him and held him upright.  
  
_Living risky, never scared, wander closer to the edge  
Nothing valued think no fear, always wondering why you're here  
All your purposes are gone nothing's right and nothing's wrong  
Nothing ventured, nothing gained,  
Feel no sorrow, feel no pain_  
  
Zell felt himself being moved and soon he was swaying in time with the music. He let himself get lost in the moment. Sweat poured over his face as his body moved faster and faster until it felt out of his control. One cool hand gently moved a piece of hair that had fallen onto his face. It danced over his skin until it lay cupping his chin. "Open your eyes." The voice smoothed its way over Zell's mind.   
  


"No." he willed his lips to move. It felt too right to just let his eyes stay closed, to just stay shut away from his surroundings. The grip on his chin tightened until it was a vice-like pressure on his jaw. 

  
"Open them." The voice purred, another hand brushed against Zell's shut eyelids. No! Zell shook his head vehemently. Something wasn't right, it couldn't be. A spike of panic shot through his spine and implanted itself in his mind. He squirmed in the embrace trying to weasel himself away from the hold. 

  
"Please," the velvet voice urged, "I need you to open your eyes. I need you to see. You need to see." A second hand moved to cup his cheek. Zell rested his arms on the ones that were touching his face. _Please, don't touch me!_ He tried to move the hands from his face, but they stayed latched in place. "I need you to see…I need you." Zell flinched, _I need you? No! Not now, not now. I don't need this…not now_. His legs shook, his hold on the arms loosening.   
  
_Kiss me while I'm still alive  
Kill me when I kiss the sky  
Let me die on my own terms,  
Let me live and let me learn_  
  
A warm liquid flowed from his wrists and splashed on the floor. The pressure on his face tightened, the once cool hands burned against his flesh.  
  
_Now I'll follow my own way, and  
I'll live on to another damn day  
_  
Panic gripped at his heart. He slowly opened his eyes. A pair of dark violet eyes burned into his. A gasp filled his lungs. Long dark blue hair flowed over fair skin and down shoulders. Small lips curved into a perfectly sculpted smile.  
_  
Freedom carries sacrifice._  
  
A spark of yellow flashed in the deep purple orbs and they squinted into a look of concentration. Zell pulled hard against the containing hands. He glanced down at his wrists; warm crimson liquid flowed down his muscular arms. _No!_ He retreated from the form in front of him, but fell into the writhing mass behind him.  
_  
Remember when this was my life._  
  
A pale hand shot out and grasped his bleeding arm and a single smirk burned into his memory. Then he was falling into oblivion; he was falling into nothingness. Opening his mouth he screamed.  
  
"NOOO!!!" Zell bolted upright in bed. Sweat dripped into his eye. Frantically he pulled the sheets away from his flushed skin. Azure eyes shot down to his wrists. _No blood…nothing at all_. He rubbed a dubious hand over the uncut skin. _It was a dream…a dream_. The words repeated over and over until he smoothed back his bangs, which had fallen from their gravity defying position. _A dream._ He shot a fearful glance at his shaded window. _That's all…right?_ His mind replayed every detail of the dream and out in the darkened dorm room Zell could see phantom violet eyes beaming back at him. _No!!! Stop this now!_ With shaking feet, Zell rose from the bed and padded toward the bathroom. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Endings **  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Zell or any of the other characters…Squaresoft does…aren't they lucky!

Author's note: Hey hey. This is the second part of the story and there are parts from a play in it that my friend, Nai-Nai, wrote. She was gonna go on with the play but she decided it was too depressing…I guess you'll see why. Anyway, here goes.  
  
Part 2:  
  
_This is going to be great!_ Selphie Tilmitt thought as she looked from her marked script to the people on stage. A girl in tight jeans and a white tank top moved across the wooden stage to call out to a boy in the wings. "Don't do this. Let me help you. I love you!" Silence filled the auditorium. "Umm…Let me help you. I love you!" Silence followed by uncomfortable shifting. Huh? Selphie looked down at her script, trying to find her lost place. On stage, the girl stood up and looked toward the wings. "I LOVE YOU!!!" She yelled. Confused, Selphie looked at the stage and then it clicked.

  
"ZELL!!!!" she shouted toward the darkened wings. Ugh!!! Letting out a groan of displeasure Selphie stormed to the stairs leading up to the stage. "Zell!!! Where are you? That's your cue…remember? Zell?" She squinted, her eyes adjusting to the change in light. "Zell?" In the corner, Zell sat with his face blank staring out into nothingness. "Zell…earth to Zell! Zell?" She took a cautious step forward; a look of worry crossed her face. Zell's face was oddly pale, which was a deep contrast to the dark bruises that surrounded his eyes. She reached a tentative hand toward the eerily still body. As soon as her small hand made contact with his bare arm the body erupted into a flurry of motion.

  
"DON'T TOUCH ME!!" Zell's tenor voice screamed, his arms flying out. 

  
"Ehhhh!" Selphie squeaked as she was sent flying backward.

  
Irvine Kinneas came running in from the wing. "What's going on? Selphie! Are you okay?" He walked over and helped Selphie off the floor. 

  
"Oww!" Selphie said as she rubbed a hand over her leg. "Zell, are you okay?" 

  
"What?" Zell looked over at Selphie with wide, unfocused eyes. "Oh my god! Selphie, did I do that?" He walked over and gently touched her cheek, which was turning a bright red.

  
"Yeah…I guess you did," she brushed her hand over the red mark, "but…what was wrong? You were all still and non responsive and then you exploded screaming, 'Don't touch me!'" Zell blushed and stuttered.

  
"I-I-I was having…ummm…y'know…" he trailed off.

  
"A…Nightmare," Irvine suggested. 

  
"I guess you could call it that," Zell looked down at his feet, his face flaring to a deep shade of red. From the stage people were peering in wondering why there had suddenly been a loud scream.

  
"Is everything okay?" the petite girl in the tank top. Her short brown hair falling ever so slightly into her face as she cocked her head to the side.

  
"Yeah," Selphie replied, jumping up and waving, "everything's fine. Why don't you guys take a five minute break." A few whoops came from the auditorium as the group went to talk amongst each other. 

  
"You okay?" Irvine asked in a hushed voice so that none of the other actors could hear.

  
"Yeah…I think so," Zell paused and glanced up at Selphie, "Just a dream…y'know. Hey, I'm sorry about the whole hitting you thing." He said in a sincere tone. His blue eyes were glittering. 

  
"It's okay. I was just worried about you. You were so still, it looked like you were dead!" Zell's head shot up and a startled expression melted onto his pale face. _Dead? You were…dead…Had he heard her right? No! You weren't dead…it was a dream._ He glanced down at his wrists. There wasn't blood there…so much, though…all over the place…pouring, flowing…'I need you to see…open our eyes and see…' Zell shook his head and tried to retain his normal breathing patterns. The same voice as before. For the past week, always whispering and urging him to see. _See what?_ Every time he looked there was bright crimson blood all over the place. Flooding his eyes and lungs, drowning him. Always with the smooth, yet taunting voice whispering in his ear and breathing on his cheek. Always with the dark violet eyes, eyes that he got lost in. 

  
"Zell, you're doing it again." Zell focused his attention back to Selphie. "Listen, you really look tired. If you want to go to your room and get some sleep and I could just run the parts that you're not in. Then, maybe, if you're up for it, we could go over lines tonight."

  
"No…no, I can do this now…I really can. Just, give me a chance to get something to drink."

  
"Sure, come on, we'll all go and get something." Irvine said, gathering up Selphie and Zell's arms and pulling them to the front of the stage. Zell stooped and sat down on the edge of the stage. He tried to clear his mind and listen to the conversations around him. Irvine came back a second later and plunged a glass into his hand. He looked down into the liquid. Crimson filled his vision.

  
"What…what is this?" he gulped looking up at Irvine. 

  
"Cranberry juice," Irvine said glancing at Zell suspiciously. Zell looked down once more and gagged. It was like the juice was taunting him with its thick crimson color. Feeling nauseous, Zell set the glass aside and tried not to think about anything at all. In no time, people were bustling back into the auditorium and took their rightful places on the stage.

  
"Let's take it from the top of scene 5." Selphie yelled settling into her seat. Zell took a deep breath and moved offstage and waited for his cue.  
  
"You love me. Love. Well, isn't that nice. And pretty, and wonderful, and everything else that the world is supposed to be. Just one more thing that it isn't. (cynical laugh) I grew up hearing that phrase. Life's not fair is it? Fuck NO! It's the most unfair thing that anyone will ever experience. Sad to see that all the people we were fighting just happened to be right. You lose me, and I lose life. Is it a fair trade? Is it what you wanted. No? Wasn't your intention, was it. But it was fun, wasn't it? Did you have fun!!?? Was it enjoyable, pleasurable, maybe even exciting to watch me writhe in pain under your thumb. Did you like watching my soul shriek as my mouth was kept silent? Did you!? Well I guess you finally got your wish. Oh yeah, you'll deny it now. You loved me huh? Right. Just one more lie you tried to stuff down my throat and in my ignorance and naivete I ate up like candy. Liar. Bitch. I need help? Is that right? Did you want to help me? (Laughter )Help me with the gun, right? No, this isn't your fault. It's mine. I never should have believed that anyone could have loved me. That anyone could've wanted me in the world. I'm just a waste of space and air. The least you could've done would've been to let me figure it out on my own. But you wanted to help me? Is that right? Did you enjoy yourself? If you knew what it was like to live in this shell people dare to call a body on this hell they call the earth…You never would've talked to me. Tried to love me. Try to pull me out of my torture. You don't know what it was like. You never would've "helped" me. Liar. This is supposed to work, right? It's not supposed to end now? Nothing is worth this? You don't know. And now, I guess you'll never find out. Will you?" He stopped, his breath ragged and he turned his body toward the girl and…"

  
"Whoa!! CUT! Let's block the end of the scene again." Selphie climbed out of her chair and waltzed up to the stage. "Zell, your body movements are too slow. You're moving like someone who has just fallen asleep." Zell shot her an angry glare and opened his mouth to argue with her when she cut him off. "You rehearse how you perform and you perform how you rehearse!" People on the stage and off stared at Selphie, who caught herself and blushed, "I'm sorry. I just got caught up in the whole directing thing. Anyways, let's try your movements during the monologue, which was excellent by the way, but I just wanna change a few things." Zell exhaled and tried to concentrate on what Selphie was saying, but a flicker of movement out of the corner of his eye kept drawing him away. He turned quickly, but nothing was there. "Zell, am I over there?"

  
"What? Ummm…no."

  
"Then could you please direct your attention toward me so we can move along."  
Zell turned his attention back to Selphie's moving lips. "So, your voice was like perfect, the almost but not quite tears, great. But, you're kind of wooden; you're just standing there, and think about it, you're yelling at her, you're almost blaming her. And you're just about to die. So when you're like, mocking her at the beginning, sneer. Your face needs to be really animated. And when you're screaming, you need to run over and like shake her by the shoulders. And then almost like shove her away on the "wish" line. And when you're asking the great rhetorical questions, get more frantic and turn away from her. And nearer to the end of your speech, turn around to her, and then you're going to be looking at her, almost hatefully, and then you're going to put the gun to your head. And then the big white lights come up, and the scene is over. So, like, think about it, you're explaining your suicide in this scene, so be animated, this is theater, all of your actions have to be huge!" In the audience came a stifled laugh and a sarcastic snort.

  
"Like his actions aren't always huge." Spinning around, Zell faced the voice. Seifer's smirking face found his and the tall blonde narrowed his eyes and held Zell's gaze.

  
"What're you doing here?" Zell practically growled.

  
"Last time I checked this room wasn't off limits, Dincht!" Seifer spat in his "holier-than-thou" voice.

  
"And last time you checked, there wasn't a play rehearsal going on, Almasy. Cast and Crew only." 

  
"Oh, so now you're part of the cast, huh? Let me guess, you got cast because of your 'Oh-so wonderful' acting skills, right? You can't even remember where your place in society is, let alone lines."

  
"What is that supposed to mean?" Zell spat, seeing red.

  
"Oh, I don't know, that your brain is as big as a chicken's, Chickenwuss." With a growl Zell started to launch himself off the stage, but Irvine caught him by his collar.

  
"I'm gonna have to ask you to get your arrogant ass out of this room, Seifer, and if you step one foot in here again I will blow your head off your non-existent neck! Now LEAVE!" Irvine sneered. With a snarl, Seifer left the room, defeated. "Sorry about that Zell," Irvine said letting go of Zell's collar, "I just don't think we could have afforded having our star out on disability because some arrogant asshole decided to make himself seen."

  
Zell struggled to try and contain his breathing. Seifer always got him so angry!!! Next time that Fucking Bastard even talked to him he was going to punch that perfect face!   
"Zell? Could we go back to the acting now?" Selphie's small hand crept up and turned him around, "I know you're really angry and all, but…" She broke off and thought for a moment before turning around and grinning. "Use it!!!"

  
"What?" Zell breathed, shocked.

  
"Use it! Use the anger, you're angry in this scene so, use your anger towards Seifer as a jumping off point for the play!" She grinned and slapped him on the back. "Okay, GO!" She walked off the stage and sat down in the audience. 

  
Zell turned and looked at the girl. _Use the anger…but wait…I'm going to kill myself…isn't there a little insecurity, fear, sadness?_ He sighed, and launched off into his speech. He laughed at her scornfully and played with the gun. He turned and yelled, his voice shook and he felt as if his heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. Is this what it would feel like? This whirlpool of emotions twisting and turning inside of me? "Bitch…" he spoke as a single tear ran down his cheek. He felt himself get frantic and scornful when he shouted out the rhetorical questions. He grabbed her arms, "You never would have talked to me. Tried to love me. Try to pull me out of my torture." He felt tears stream down his face as he shook her, "You don't know what it's like. You never would have "helped" me. Liar!" He pushed her away and she landed on the floor, her eyes pleading and moist with unshed tears. Disgusted he turned away, "This is supposed to work, right? It's not supposed to end now? Nothing is worth this? You don't know. And now, I guess you'll never find out. Will you?" He finished at almost a whisper and picked up his "gun" hand to point it at his head.

  
_Can you feel it?_

Zell looked around suddenly. _Who said that?_ It was as if it had spoken into his head, to his soul.  
_In your hand…this is what is meant to be. You're my chosen_.  
_What the hell?_ Zell screwed up his face. That voice…he'd heard it before…from his dreams.  
_All you need to do is see. Open your eyes._  
The voice whispered into his head. Its silky tone caressing his psyche. He looked out into the audience. A dark shadow fled from a seat. _Blue? A streak of blue…  
Open your eyes…_  
Then as quickly as it appeared it was gone and he was left with the sound of applause, which thundered throughout the theater.


	3. Chapter 3

# Endings: part 3

Disclaimer: Zell's not mine, Squall's not mine. Those lucky bastards at Squaresoft own them. *****swoons * What I wouldn't give to own them though.

Author's note: This is the third part of the story. And I have to warn there is some yaoi. It doesn't last long but if that bugs you don't read it. *sheepish smile*Anyway, there's some violence as well. That should be it. So, if you aren't scared to death now. Read on!

Cold. The pane of glass was cold under his fingertips. It cooled his skin but it didn't stop there. The cold moved over his hand, into his muscles, and chilled his very blood. The blue of his eyes crystallized until it felt like if he blinked they would shatter and melt down his cheeks in a sick display of tears.

Shaking his head, he moved away from the glass. Fog from his fingers left smudges on the window. They dissipated, slowly, as if resisting. 'Stop this!' Hastily, Zell pushed away from the window and the endless black of night. Nimble fingers ran through damp blonde hair. H moved the feathery locks of silk out of his face and sat on the bed. 'Damn it Dincht, you are 17 years old. You've had your self-doubt and the thought of death has been overpowering. But you do NOT go into hysterics over dreams. They aren't real…' The blonde head raised and clear blue eyes stared at the white of the wall. "But they feel so real…"

His voice sounded alien. A voice of an emotionally drained boy who was afraid to close his eyes, yet couldn't keep them open. "Dreams Dincht…dreams…" The whisper echoed into the room as a thundering knock sounded. Jolting in his seat, Zell tumbled off the bed. The knock came again and the petite martial artist scrambled off the floor towards his door.

He opened the door and stared into dark hazel eyes."Uh…hi Squall," he scratched the back of his head as the young commander looked back at him with an intense expression.

"Zell." He nodded and crossed his arms. Zell stared at the youth and waited for an answer to an unasked question. When none came, he spoke up.

"So, what's it ya want, Squall?" he shifted his weight on his feet. Squall looked Zell over and quickly averted his eyes from the silk boxers that the blonde was clothed in.

"I wanted to remind you about our trip to Balamb tomorrow." Leather creaked as he shifted, "I didn't know you would be in bed already."

Looking down, Zell blushed, "Sorry. I just got out of the shower like five minutes ago…"

"No need to apologize," the scarred youth managed a small smile, "just a reminder."

Zell returned the smile, "Thanks." He rubbed his eyes and yawned. "So, I'll se ya tomorrow."

"Yeah…" Squall ran a gloved hand through his hair. "Sleep well." He turned on his heel and headed down the hallway.

"I sure hope so…" Zell muttered as he shut the door and padded over to the bed. Sitting down, he closed his eyes. His heart fluttered against his chest. With a shake of his head he fell among the warm blankets. 'God Zell, you are so pathetic. He's your best friend. Why is your heart beating so hard? Ah! Stop acting like a love sick puppy.' Heaving a great sigh, he flung an arm over his eyes and fumbled for the light switch.

A click and the room plunged into darkness. "Sweet dreams," he said to an empty room, "If only."

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

Outside the wind began to blow across the Quad. Leaves danced over the barren ground. The darkness clouded around everything and as tendrils draped across trees and benches a single figure stood apart. Almost a shadow itself, long strands of dark blue hair whipped around a strong face. The tails of a black trench coat flapped against muscular legs. The figure tilted its head up to a singular window, a square of light. As the shining light faded from the glass, malicious violet eyes sparkled and a smile twisted onto the pale face. In a voice soft as velvet the figure grinned, "Sweet dreams."

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + 

Soft candlelight seeped through veined eyelids. Blinking, he shifted his weight. The almost inaudible sound of bedsprings creaking and he ran his hand over smooth silk sheets. Strands of blonde hair flitted over his face. Brushing them away, blue eyes scanned the surroundings. Candles stood in various places around the room, on a bookcase, a table, on the stone floor. A great window was opened to the night and the candle flames flickered hypnotically. Confused brows drew together, "Where am I?"

"Here…" Jumping, Zell spun around in the bed. Leaning against the wall, in a long sleeved white shirt that billowed in the slight breeze that wafted through the window, was Squall. Shadows played off his handsome face as he smiled gently at Zell. Blue eyes widened.

"Squall?" He stepped slowly off the bed as Squall moved forward. He kneeled onto the bed and looked at Zell.

"Yes?" He smiled, his lips curling over white teeth that sparkled in the candlelight. With a nervous step, Zell scooted further off the bed.

"Where is here? Why am I here?"

"You're here because I want you to be." Squall reached out his hand and slid his fingers up Zell's cold arm. The hairs shot upward, the tiny touches sending shivers through Zell's body. He looked down into the hazel eyes; dark with some emotion Zell had never seen before in them.

"Why?" He squeaked as Squall yanked his arm, pulling him onto the silk sheets of the bed. The scarred man straddled his waist and smiled down at him. His hand moved up to caress the tattoo on his face.

"Need you ask?" Zell's mind screamed. This wasn't right. Yet his body felt like it was on fire. Every nerve was on end. His breathing quickened.

"Squall…" he stopped talking when the nimble fingers were laid across his petal pink lips.

"Shhh…" the young commander leaned over and pressed his lips to Zell's. Crystal blue eyes widened in surprise and then slowly, with the gentle caress of Squall's lips, slip closed. Time seemed to stop. All figures froze; the candle flames stopped flickering, the curtains fluttering. Then as the moment stopped and the warm velvet of Squall's lips disappeared, Zell opened his eyes. He smiled up at Squall and lifted a hand to cup the young man's face.

A storm cloud passed over the hazel eyes and with a feral grin he latched his hand around Zell's wrist. With a harsh shove, he threw it onto the bed and captured the other one, pushing them above the blonde's head.

"Huh?" Fear started to seep into his thoughts. _What's going on?_ Confused eyes looked up at the dark haired man. "Squall what are you…" he winced at the pain that was blossoming on his cheek. A laugh caught his attention and Zell turned his head back toward the man above him. The once soft, comforting hand was upraised, readying itself for another blow. The blonde began to panic. "Squall! What are you doing?" He squirmed under the weight on his abdomen

"Shut up!" The slap came quickly, so quickly that Zell clamped his mouth shut. Crying out, he bucked on the bed. White-hot pain flooded through his body as the copper tasting liquid filled his mouth. Scorching pain-filled eyes stared up at the fury above."What," the voice laced with venom, "makes you think that I would love you? Your parents didn't want you…they left you to die…you disgusted them.What makes you think that I would want you? You are nothing!" 

Salty tears filled the crystal eyes, threatening to spill as the small blonde stared, petrified. "What? Fight back!"Pain. The fist slammed against his cheek, blood splattered over cracking lips.Candles flames danced, a powerful wind picking up in the room as the knuckles slammed against the tattooed face again and again."You little wuss…fight back!"Hair flitted over the scarred face as the wind blew hard. Soon the roar of the winds drowned out all words. 

Crimson seeped through cuts, down bruising flesh and into open eyes. His mind was whirling like the wind around him. Thoughts and feelings being thrown around the caverns of his mind, all mixing together until it was a single blare of sound and color. He opened his mouth, his hands going over his face. "STOP!" 

Zell curled up on the bed, blood mixing with tears on the sheets. The white fabric slowly changed color. Splotches of red spread like a wave. The last candle flickered and the room plunged into darkness. Silence lay like a blanket over everything. Sobs. Tears spilled over cheeks and into clenched fists. 

He felt alone, utterly alone. Pain seeped through his body, the physical pain not as penetrating as the harsh words beat into his psyche over and over again. 'Why?' Painfully he dragged his knees to his chest and shivered in the wind that blew around him. He could feel the fabric of his shirt billowing. He tried to clear his mind but the words stayed. Lingering like acid on his mind.

"Oh god…." He stumbled over the words as a knot formed in his throat. How could it hurt this much? Was it simply the words or was it more? Somewhere inside of him, Zell knew that those words were his fear. 'Am I that bad? Am I worth anything? Love? Kindness?' A sob escaped his constricted throat. "Why???" He wanted to scream, to lash out, to break down and die. 'Just make it end!'

He didn't notice the weight shift, the creaking, or the warm hand on his shoulder until he was pulled into an embrace. "Don't!" he sobbed harder as the strong hand soothed circles on his back. In a feeble attempt he struggled against the hard body that held him easily, like a child.

If there were words, none of them were heard, just the soft velvet, caressing, soothing. Red rimmed eyes opened and looked up into darkened violet eyes, crackling with electricity. The whites of the blonde's eyes swam in as the lids widened. Gasping, he backed away from the strong arms holding him. "You…" his voice was a whisper. The small blonde braced himself for the resistance from the other participant. But the arms just let him slip free and crouch on the bed. For a few seconds they just looked at each other. No words, no movements, just the faint crackle of candles lighting again and the soft laboring breathes that wracked his petite frame.

"Why?" Startled, blue eyes met violet.

"What?" 

"Why do you let them treat you like that? Don't you ever want that to change? Make them pay for what they do? What they say? What you know they're thinking?" Zell stared hard at the man in front of him. These questions…he had heard them before. The same bitterness behind them, the same fire in the eyes. Where? 'Me…these are my questions.'

" I…I…" he shivered. 'I never answered them…ever.' The violet eyes warmed and the sculpted lips twisted into a smile.

"You can change that…you can be more than they could ever imagine. Change the world. Make it better. You have it in you. I know…they hate you," blue eyes bore holes into the muscled jaw, "They think you're nothing, scum." Something within Zell broke, tore, shredded like a piece of paper ripped between nimble fingers. The strong gaze that he was holding faltered. "It's in you." A warm hand moved up to touch his cheek, it played across his soft flesh and down to his chin, holding it in a gentle grip. The violet eyes clashed with the blue and for a moment it stayed that way. A simple melding of colors and then a warm feeling moved through Zell's small body. A tingling, crackling slightly like lightning. The silky voice spoke again, "Can you feel it?" 

Confused Zell turned his head away from the hand holding it and he backed away from the presence on the bed. Bewildered eyes looked up and he started to shiver. "No….no no no no no no…." Squeezing his eyes shut he huddled among the sheets.

"You need to see….open your eyes…." 

"NO!" hands covered ears as he gently rocked back and forth. "This isn't real….I won't…I can't…" Tears leaked behind shut lids and he opened his mouth wide, yelling to the fading room and the voice that repeated over and over the same two phrases, simple yet frightening.

Zell shook himself awake and looked up at the darkened ceiling, eyes damp. His hands shook a little on the blanket, clenching into fists and unclenching. Thoughts swirled around his mind as his breathing slowed down. Too many, all too muddled to make sense but one pulsated like a neon sign, flashing and blinking, drawing attention to it. Lips parted and air rushed through them as his voice rang out into the black of the surrounding room. "What do I need to see?"


	4. Chapter 4

Endings: Chapter 4  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Yadda yadda…you know the usual disclaimer. They aren't mine, they never will be. The more I think about it the more depressed I get. *Sigh*  
  
  
  
Sunshine spilled across the streets as people bustled by, laughing, talking, having a good time. It was like the world was on mute. Things went by, people's mouths moved and yet nothing…there was nothing that he heard. His mind was lost in the confines of the candlelit room, the smell of flame and the gentle breeze running through his hair. Around him his friends chattered to each other, enjoying the day of free time that they got. But the only person that he could see was smiling at him. Violet eyes sparkling with mischief, radiating a predatory sense that he could not escape no matter how he tried.  
  
Squall turned his eyes to Zell for the hundredth time today. His brows creased slightly as he watched the blonde scuff his sneakers along the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, eyes staring intently at the ground as if the entire world was down there and not flourishing around him. Chocolate brown eyes darkened as he slowed his pace, letting Quistis and Selphie pass him as they chattered on about something…Squall hadn't been paying attention anyway. His feet stopped moving for the briefest second till the rhythmic scuff of Zell's feet came closer. With a raised eyebrow, he began to walk in time with the solemn blonde, his boots beginning a mock scuff against the sidewalk. After what seemed to Squall like hours, he let out a sigh, his boots still scuffing along the ground. If he doesn't notice soon…I'm going to have to buy a new pair of shoes. Finally, his reached out a hand and tapped the blonde on the shoulder.  
  
Zell jumped as he felt the tap, his blue eyes widening as he raised them from the sidewalk. His heart skipped a beat as he saw who had tapped on his shoulder. Not the mysterious violet-eyed person from his dreams, no…not that…but Squall. Oh my god…His mind flipped back to the room, the touch, the slaps, the pain, and the words. Involuntarily he flinched but tried to cover it up as he took a small step away from Squall. Stop it, Zell. It was a dream. He let out a mental snort at that. Lately, he had heard that excuse more than he had been conscious of. It was several seconds before the small blonde realized that Squall was saying his name.  
  
"Uh…. yeah? Squall?" He tried a small embarrassed smile.  
  
The fine eyebrow arched as the brunette watched him closely, his lips quirked to the side. "Took you long enough…I was beginning to wonder if you were still asleep."  
  
"Oh…I'm awake," Zell replied with a small sarcastic laugh.  
  
"Really? Well, you could have fooled me." His boots began moving along the sidewalk again, knowing that the sneakers were soon to follow. "So, what is going on, Zell? You look less than thrilled to be out on the town with your friends…having a good time." Those lips quirked again, "Well, you might have forgotten that part." He glanced over at the blonde through silken strands of brown hair.  
  
Zell laughed as he glanced up at Squall, moving his feet a little more lively as he walked alongside his friend. "Gee, how could I ever forget that?!" His eyes sparkled as he pulled his hands out of his pockets, trying to at least seem like he's having a good time. A bemused expression crossed Squall's face as he turned to look at Zell straight on.  
  
"You're evading the question…"  
  
"Oh," blue eyes clouded for a second before he pushed it away, "you were actually asking?"  
  
"Yes," Squall laughed, "did it not sound like a question? Because you know I've been working on this whole being social thing. Quistis told me that speaking in tones is better at getting my point across." He smirks, "I could still be out of practice, but I'm pretty sure that was a question."  
  
Zell laughed, his voice sounding through the air, lighting up the day like the sunshine. "No, no…you had the tone…I guess I just wasn't paying attention. So, why don't you try it again." His blue eyes turned to look up at brown eyes.  
  
" I think I can do that…" Squall cleared his throat, "So, what is going on, Zell?" He looked expectantly at the blonde. Zell froze in his thoughts, not really knowing how to answer the question. He began to feel a twinge somewhere inside of him. What do I tell him? His heart beat a little faster, wanting to confess to Squall the dreams that had kept him awake for the past two weeks. Tell him about the violet eyes, the pushing, and the voice that caressed his psyche, persuading him to open his eyes, to see. His brow furrowed slightly. He wanted to tell his friend everything, but something was stopping him. The harsh words from the last dream slapping him in the face. Does he hate me? He winced once more before he blinked his eyes looking up at Squall. I can't tell him…A smile plastered over his lips, his face molding into a mask.  
  
"Nothing. I was just thinking about the work I have when we get back from this day of fun…" He looked into those chocolate eyes, praying to Hyne that Squall would bite.  
  
Squall nodded his head, "I know what you mean…" He smiled at the small blonde, lifting his hand to brush his hair out of his face. "I've been thinking about it to." He touched the blonde's shoulder gently, almost briefly, like a brush of wind. "But…today is for fun…so forget it." He laughs to himself, "God, Selphie's rubbing off…" He groans and rubs his forehead.  
  
A real smile curved on Zell's lips. "Yeah, she has a bad habit of doing that." As if on cue, the energetic girl let out a small screech of excitement and pointed to the window of a store.  
  
"Look at that!!!" She giggled and turned bright eyes turned to look at the rest of the group. "We are so going in!" Her hand reached out and grabbed Quistis's hand and Irvine's, pulling them into the store before a word of protest passed their lips. Squall laughed as well and looked over his shoulder at Zell.  
  
"Guess we shouldn't lose them…" He rolled his eyes and moved into the store as well.  
  
Zell was alone on the street, watching his friends through the window of the store. He smiles softly to himself. He's right…stop thinking about it and enjoy the day with your friends. He nodded to himself as he started toward the door.  
  
He stopped, his heart picking up. Something was watching him. He could feel the eyes on his back. His brow furrowed as he turned his head to look behind him. Nothing. People walking, birds, sun, a slight breeze. But there was nothing that didn't belong there and yet…He moved his feet, turning in a small circle as he looked for whatever it was that was sending the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Then he heard the soft whisper pass his ear, brushing over his mind. It's the wind…just the wind…He shook his head, trying to push the feeling away but the whisper was all too familiar. As was the feeling of the eyes. He wanted to scream, lash out, and fight. Leave me alone…please LEAVE ME ALONE! That was when he felt the crackling sensation, like lightening moving up his arm and in the back of his mind he remembered the feeling from the dream last night. His blue eyes widened. I won't look down. It's not real. None of this is happening. Just turn around Zell and enjoy your day. He bit his lip, ignoring the tickling sensation on his arm, the feel of the eyes still watching him, and turned to head to the store.  
  
His mouth fell open as he stared up into violet eyes…  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Guys I am so sorry if this is confusing you! *laughs* It's kind of confusing me as well. Sorry again, that this took me so long to get up, just in case anyone was actually reading this story! *laughs again* But, here it is…and I think I need help on where I should go with this…so if anyone wants to give their two cents I would be more than grateful!  
  
Hopefully, I can get the next part up faster…keep your fingers crossed. 


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